5 years ago today (3-18-2009) at about this same time of the morning (10:00a.m.) my life changed. For the last time, I took a needle filled with Meth-amphetamine and stuck it in my arm. About an hour later I was arrested. My life was saved and I began a new journey of hope & discovery. I stopped running from pain & fear. Many people may think being arrested is a bad thing ... I know it was a turning point for me. I had to face fear that I had never known before and I also had to face what a terrible state my life had fallen into during the previous years. During the following 3 days which I spent waiting to get out of jail, I realized that I was tired. I was tired of living a life filled with lies, dishonesty, and hurting the people in my life that I loved and who loved me.
The journey I began that day has resulted in numerous lives being helped and some being saved. A community of loving people has formed around the agency I founded to use as a tool to help others avoid the pain and problems that resulted from my own bad decisions and Closted life as a Homosexual.
I don't want other people to live in the fear I lived in. I do not want other people to suffer the pain I lived through. I do not want other people to go through terrible relationship after relationship because they do not have the personal skills needed to sort through the challenges of knowing who is right for you and who is not. I want people to know without any doubt that they are loved, that they have a place in our society, that they have a community to be part of, that they have a safe place to be themselves. I want all people to know that they are beautiful creations and I want them to know unending hope, faith, & love.
When I came to our office early this morning I was here alone. I was wondering how I would address this anniversary of such a pivotal change in my life. I went upstairs and found something that touched my heart and reminded me that all my personal struggles are worth whatever I have to go through. All the stressful days, all the worry over my lack of personal finances and plans for my future, all the worry because it is a constant struggle to keep our doors open and support flowing to people in need. I found the project our Youth created last night (Pics are included). Each Constellation of a different color represents a Youth. Each Star is labelled with a personal characteristic that they identified. Together the wall becomes a Galaxy of individuality expressed in Constellations of unity that are these beautiful young people.
I am often tired. I often feel exhausted. Sometimes I think more of my life is filled with more exhaustion than stress free days. I don't really remember a stress-free day. The lives we have saved, the hope we have given so many people, my own hope and the love I receive from each of you makes my life worth-while. Thank you! Together we are doing great things!